I recently came across Sarah Russell’s poem “If I Had Three Lives,” and it left a profound impression on me. The poem captures a bittersweet feeling, exploring the theme of longing for what could have been if different choices had been made. It delves into the complexities of love and the choices that shape our existence.
Personally, I don’t subscribe to the notion of “what ifs.” For me, life is about living my journey and the choices I make. I believe that our lives are intentionally crafted— woven together by our own hands, rather than dictated by chance or destiny. This raises the intriguing balance between destiny and free will. It’s a heavy realization to consider not having control over one’s life.
While I do think a greater force might influence what happens to us, I also believe in the power of our determination to love fully within our limitations. However, some things remain beyond our control, like when the other person falls asleep during a phone call. In those moments, the longing and yearning for more become even more intense, amplifying the emotional void that can accompany distance. The poem reminds us that every path we take holds its own beauty, yet the longing for “more” is an inherent part of the human experience.
I saw a comment on Reddit that resonated with me: it pointed out the sweetness of acknowledging that despite achieving personal or material success, something essential— like love— might still be missing in alternate realities. This perspective highlights that even in different possible lives, the love for a particular person can endure, underscoring their significance.
Ultimately, the poem reflects the human longing for alternate lives and the contemplation of choices we could have made. It suggests that no single life can satisfy all our desires, emphasizing the depth of our yearning for connection and the wish to live out our fullest capacity for love. Even in lives filled with adventure and pleasure, there may still be an emotional void, a yearning for the connection that grounds us in reality.
In essence, the poem captures the delicate balance between the life we live and the lives we could have lived, with love serving as a central anchor across all these possibilities.
If I had three lives, I’d marry you in two.
The other? Perhaps that life over there
at Starbucks, sitting alone, writing — a memoir,
maybe a novel or this poem. No kids, probably,
a small apartment with a view of the river,
and books — lots of books, and time to read.
Friends to laugh with, and a man sometimes,
for a weekend, to remember what skin feels like
when it’s alive. I’d be thinner in that life, vegan,
practice yoga. I’d go to art films, farmers markets,
drink martinis in swingy skirts and big jewelry.
I’d vacation on the Maine coast and wear a flannel shirt
weekend guy left behind, loving the smell of sweat
and aftershave more than I did him. I’d walk the beach
at sunrise, find perfect shell spirals and study pockmarks
water makes in sand. And I’d wonder sometimes
if I’d ever find you.
— Sarah Russell, If I Had Three Lives
After “Melbourne” by the Whitlams
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